The first half period of 2021 has been tough so far, and I'm expecting that the remaining year will be tougher.
Masa sekolah rendah hingga ke master, aku bukanlah budak yg lemah. Markah-markah aku agak memberansangkan walaupun aku bukanlah layak digelar top student. Aku berkesempatan menyambung PhD di UIA selama 2 semester dan memperoleh CGPA 3.9. Setelah setahun aku di uia, aku menukar pengajian PhD aku ke UiTM. Aku start balik from zero sbb aku ditawarkan utk menjadi GRA.
I took that offer cause I saw it as an opportunity to dive into the real research world. It was smooth sailing I can say at the beginning until I was asked to write an SLR paper. I attended the SLR workshop and tried to apply the knowledge. I was stuck and it was truly a burden to find the articles related to my research. I was alone and I didn't ask my SV for advice. In doing SLR you need to have the following criteria:
- A good research question
- The right keywords
- The right database
- A friend to help you out.
Point number 4 is so true. I admit that we need to have a friend who understands what we're going through. He/she might not be a researcher but we just need someone to hear us out and suggest some advice.
Second, there was a day when I had been criticized about my supervision to a degree student. The lecturer said, it sounds like this:
'Bila dah sv pun ke laut, student apatah lagi.'
That word really hurt me so bad, I felt humiliated and about to give up being a supervisor. My friend managed to calm me down and gave motivation to me and advised me to not be affected by her words. It happened during Ramadhan. I cried on two consecutive days every time I thought about it. I took that unpleasant memory as a challenge and ready to learn from zero.
Back to my research story. I just gambled making the interview questions just to make my grant has good progress. I'm a little bit worry because I didn't make it according to the right method which needs me to study and digest the literature really well.
Until one day, my friend invited me to join a group lead by a Dr in UM psychology department. He is Dr. Awang Idris. He taught us A LOT about methodology and writing skills. We were exposed to the real nature of research. How far that we Malaysian have been left by the west researchers. It was an eye-opening course and he constantly reminds us that we are actually stupid and need to learn so many things.
He exposed us to what do we need to know. From basic things such as who are the prominent scholars? What are the top journals in our field? He tested us with some of the methodological jargon. What is a Dyadic interview? What is common method variance? What is a multilevel method, cross-sectional, back translation, longitudinal case study, objective measurement, multi-sources, and many more.
In writing session pula, Dr. tunjukkan cara nak synthesis literature. Ada byk session hands on. Dia akan komen penulisan kitorang. For this session, he taught us how to make an introduction, make our own voice, theories (reason), empirical (bukti), reasoning, types of voice, cohesion, and integrating literature.
p/s: Theory is used to explain a phenomenon.
For example, Frustration leads to aggressiveness:
Sociology: POOR------> CRIME
Psychology: PUTUS CINTA ------> SUICIDAL
Education: FAIL EXAM ---------> DROPOUT
Next, I found the question and answer session was beneficial to us too. Among the questions asked were:
Q: How do we know that we have enough knowledge to start writing?
A: It is when you have reached a saturation stage. It means that when you keep on reading, you will find the same conclusion and not something new.
Q: How to recognize a journal cap ayam?
A: It is from the features (A4 type that is easily done by someone) and it covers so many fields such as Business and Sociology in one journal. A good journal must have a specific field and focused.
What I was about to say is, Ph.D. has taught me to be humbled (stupid like really really stupid). The real world is so wide to explore. Go meet new people, mingle with them, talk about your research, and you will know how little you know all this while. What have I been through is only a tiny bit of the knowledge lend by Allah.
O Allah I'm nothing without you. Please bless me with useful knowledge for the ummah and my akhirah. Protect me from useless knowledge. Make me strong not only to complete this Ph.D. but also to give back to society and Ummah Islamiyah.
Hang on there. Your future is determined by your efforts you make today.
Don't be lazy. Read as much as you can. Schedule your work. Spend at least 6 hours a day on research. Talk to Allah and ask for help from him by sabr and solah. <3
